Having a truly loving relationship that deepens over time… fully connected and devoted to one another is what most of us desire and deserve. If that’s what you want then it’s important to ensure that your home and its environs epitomize that love. And that the home environment is a safe haven or place where you both feel that love… a place where you both feel safe with one another and secure at all times…
This may sound strange or even odd… but the safety of the home environment is really important in creating a successful and deeply loving relationship…so take a moment to consider yours…
How safe does it feel for you to be you in your environment? To be your authentic self and to feel truly appreciated for who you are? At all times? And what’s it like for your partner? How safe is the home environment for him… to be himself authentically?
Trust…A Cornerstone of a Solid Loving Relationship
To create a haven or home where love abounds and you feel free to express yourself openly and honestly means that an environment of trust exists and is fostered at all times.
In other words the home environment is a place where both you and your partner know and feel that you are each equal in voice, able to speak openly and honestly to one another… secure in the belief that you’ll be heard, listened to and respected. That’s partnership.
So think about it… How do you and your partner speak to one another, listen and share together? What level of trust and respect operates between the two of you…? And given that, how safe is the home environment for your relationship to be fully expressed?
Respect One Another
To develop a safe environment or haven for a relationship to flourish, grow and become more loving requires respect and support… an acceptance to be you… every day with a zero tolerance for negativity… by that I mean a zero tolerance for negative and derisive comments.
This requires what is often referred to as a Zero Negative environment… wherein all negative language and behavor in the relationship is consciously eliminated… considered unacceptable, unhealthy and inappropriate. Harville Hendrix author of ‘Getting The Love You Want, A Guide for Couples’ suggests that negative language and facial expressions are toxic to a relationship, a cancer that slowly but surely erodes the love and affection, trust and respect.
So take the time to reflect on how you and your partner currently connect and communicate with one another. Be honest with yourself as you evaluate how you speak to one another…and relate and respect one another’s space.
This may seem easy or obvious but don’t be fooled it’s not as simple or as straight forward to create as it initially sounds…
So how well do you stack up?
If you do detect any negative language or non-verbal behavior patterns… make a pact today – NOW – TOGETHER – to erase these from your relationship completely…
…If your desire is for a very loving relationship full of respect and intimacy then the first thing to focus on is creating a home environment that is a safe haven for both you and your partner… and for the two of you to create this together.
Let me explain in a little more detail…
Many relationships exist in homes or environments that are NOT open to fostering deeply loving and supportive relationships.
These environments are toxic grounds where one person in the relationship feels as if he or she is constantly fighting for survival… either to be heard, listened to, or be appreciated for who they are.
Relationships Co-Existing in War Zones
While not acknowledged consciously these relationships exist in a constant battle field… a war zone.
And when a relationship exists in a war zone where one or both of you no longer feels appreciated it becomes harder and more challenging to maintain the effort… to put in the thoughtfulness, remain connected or to feel a sense of belonging.
From my experience many couples not only do not connect in a meaningful and loving way as a norm but as a means of survival they unwittingly create a home or environment that is for one or both participants hostile or unsafe. And thus from a place of hostility each learns to defend his or her space rather than acknowledge and support his or her partner.
…Hardly an environment to create love and develop intimacy let alone long term connection…
So if this sounds a little like your relationship why not address the issues immediately… And change the environment? Create a space where love is encouraged and treasured. All that is needed is awareness and the willingness to change.
To make it a little easier to achieve…Make a pact to eliminate any negativity or criticism of one another as a norm and in its place practice gratitude and appreciation for each other… every day… and in so doing build a wealth of trust and respect for each other…
That’s right total gratitude and appreciation!
So NO put downs, scowls, name calling or derogatory comments!
Our Physical State Dictates How We Act & Feel
Whenever you or your partner is the recipient of criticism or feels unheard… you become stressed… And when you feel stressed your system becomes flooded with the stress hormones – Adrenaline and Cortisol. And the presence of these toxic hormones, puts your body into defense, ready to protect itself against the possibility of another attack…
And when you’re stressed it’s more challenging to connect meaningfully with your partner. Even worse…repeated instances build on one another making connection and a sense of feeling loved even more challenging.
And then a pattern develops. We begin to anticipate the worst when we voice an opinion… or leave things unsaid believing that certain topics or subjects are best left unuttered.
Very quickly we learn to defend rather than to connect and out of fear leave things unsaid… And in so doing the home environment begins to become less safe and certainly less loving.
Think about it for a moment… When you feel attacked or criticized by your partner for some small omission or oversight… How do you feel? Or you attack or criticize your partner for some small oversight…? And then continue to reiterate your displeasure on subsequent occasions… How does that make your partner feel loved or wanted?
So make an agreement together… to eliminate all negative language and facial expressions from your conversations and discussions together… and make this the FIRST step…and a conscious step in creating a safe environment for the relationship to grow and develop.
This simple decision when followed increases trust, ignites respect and eliminates the need to fear having to protect yourself from a suspected onslaught of criticism or negative comment… This simple strategy develops an environment of acceptance and unconditional love.
That’s what I mean by creating a relationship where trust is paramount… and an environment that is free from criticism is fostered. Creating a safe and loving home in which you and your partner are free to be and express your love.
So make a pact to eliminate negative comments or gestures from your communication with one another. And replace any desire to criticize or comment negatively with conscious positive connections… and appreciations.
This doesn’t mean that you won’t have disagreements or eliminate differences of opinion, it just means that criticism or negative comments will not play a role in the discussion. A much more mature and loving way to relate to one another…
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And enjoy the love…