How do You Create Intimacy When Your Relationship Seems to be on Rocky Ground?

Couple in bed, man sleeping woman looking at him feeling very frustratedIn several recent posts I have discussed how intimacy develops over time. And that the important ingredients for its foundation are honesty and openness – building a firm foundation of trust in one another.  That’s sounds easy but what if your relationship is on somewhat rocky ground? And what I’m talking about feels way out of your comfort zone…?

The first thing to ask yourself is ‘What happened?’ Where did things go awry? And why…?’Continue Reading

How Do You Keep the Novelty & Fun Alive in Your Relationship?

Young couple doing salsa or latin american dancing togetherIn a recent post I discussed the importance of  consciously working on the relationship and like plants relationships need tendering to grow and reach their full potential. That if not cared for consciously, that lack of effort over time can create havoc on what was once a truly loving union.

Relationships need constant tendering to maintain the connection and deepen the intimacy…

… And that’s not always easy to do. So what are some things that you can do to keep the relationship alive and fresh and continually grow together?Continue Reading

Intimacy Faded? A Simple Tip to Ignite the Flame of Intimacy & Deepen Your Relationship…

 

Couple with their backs to one another-looking frustrated

Image by David Castillo Dominici courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Over the past few weeks and months I’ve written a lot about intimacy and how to deepen and foster the intimacy in a relationship. That’s well and good but I get couples asking me, what if there’s been little intimacy to date….?

Or some being brutally honest claim that a sense of animosity exists and negative communication patterns are the norm?

So what do you do? In the first instance take a good hard look at the situation…Objectively. Are you able to sit down and talk together…? Intimacy is fostered by breaking down the barriers. Just as in war…Fences divide!Continue Reading

What are the Essential Ingredients to Deepen the Intimacy in YOUR Relationship?

Three clear glass flasks each with a colourful chemical ingredient insideThere are several key ingredients that foster and deepen the intimacy in a relationship, enabling one to truly be you and reveal yourself fully.

Key is that the communication in the relationship is open and honest… always… But to feel safe to do so requires a high degree of trust and integrity to exist.

What do I mean? Honesty and openness are multi layered, complex attributes or values rather than simple ones… each require you to be true to yourself and to honor yourself and to trust your partner completely. Knowing that you will be supported and accepted for all that you do and say. Both honoring one another and fully accepted no matter what.Continue Reading

True Intimacy is Letting Someone Truly See You for Who You Are…

Stone statues of little boy and little girl about to kiss one another

Romance courtesy of pixabay

In a previous post I discussed some of the parameters governing intimacy and what is required for intimacy to develop and grow in a deeply loving relationship. In that post I mentioned the importance of trust as a foundation stone for intimacy to flourish and develop fully.

To develop true intimacy, requires being able to be yourself and trust your partner…to respect that trust… trusting that you are safe to be yourself, and to openly express how you feel…Continue Reading

What is Intimacy? How Does it Develop & How Do You Keep It Alive? What a Question…

Head shot of young black couple laughing -clearly very connected and in love with one another I’m often asked, what is intimacy and why is it so important?

Intimacy is encapsulated by the emotional closeness you feel towards your significant other. It’s about being able to be yourself with your partner… rather than having to feel that you need to be on guard…or protect yourself.

True intimacy means being able to be free…To be yourself …To let your guard down, and let your partner know who you really are and how you really feel.Continue Reading

Are You Certain that Your Messages of Love Are Being Heard?

Young woman getting breakfast in bed and a large red gift box on the breakfast trayDid you know that we each have our own love language…? That there are in fact five unique or different love languages? And that in the absence of knowing the love language of your partner you run the risk of your messages of love and affection not being heard or worse entirely missed?

Yes that’s right. There are five unique languages of love. And each of us responds best to only one of these. In other words if we’re not spoken to in our unique love language we fail to hear the messages of love sent to us…

That’s a hard fact to appreciate isn’t it?Continue Reading

Improve Your Communication Effectiveness – Use Active Listening, Questions & Heartfelt Words

Effective communication is foremost about improving your ability to listen. That is actively or empathetically listening to one another and responding accordingly.

Blue bird whispering into a woman's earLearning to listen actively or empathetically is an important skill in improving your communication effectiveness and something that I urge all couples to learn how to do.

Active or Empathetic Listening
So what is active or empathetic listening…? Active listening is when you listen attentively, fully engaged… And in so doing become cognizant not only of the other person’s language and choice of words… but on hearing those words rather than assuming that through your own filters of experience and perception you’ve received the message intended, check in with the sender of the message…empathetic to their choice of words.

…So using the sender’s key words check in … to see that you’ve interpreted or received the message correctly… that the message received is in fact, the message intended.

Why Listen Actively In This Way?
It’s so easy to assume that we’ve heard what was intended and understand the message that was sent… Sadly this is rarely the case.

Actively or empathetic listening is a means of eliminating or reducing potential misinterpretations or misleading exchanges… because you’re checking in with the other person, the sender, clarifying that you’ve received the intended message.

It’s important to remember that we all use words differently, and while the words themselves may seem important… because we use that differently it’s very easy to misinterpret what the sender intended with those words.Continue Reading

Spice up Your Relationship with these Simple & Fun, Conscious Connection Practices

Young lovers walking down the streetIn an earlier post I outlined the role Dopamine and Serotonin play in experiencing the feelings of closeness and connection in the early phases of love. In that post I explained that it’s the presence of these love hormones that are responsible for how we feel, that ‘blinded in love’ feeling.

After this initial phase, there are two other hormones that are responsible for the love and connection experienced in the early years of partnership, Vasopressin, and Oxytocin. These two hormones are largely present in the early years, and remain so with couples who experience a healthy and satisfying sex life.Continue Reading

Are You the Best of Friends? – 3 Keys to Having a Healthy Loving Relationship…

Young couple sharing a milkshake togetherWe all want our relationships to be healthy, loving and fulfilling…It’s what every couple deserves and in the ideal what we all dream about…

I’m sure that you wouldn’t be reading this article or visiting my site if you weren’t seeking this or didn’t agree with me…And while you may have experienced some bumps along the way the intention for all of us is for our relationships to be truly loving and fulfilling…and for them to deepen over time…Continue Reading