In an earlier post I outlined the role Dopamine and Serotonin play in experiencing the feelings of closeness and connection in the early phases of love. In that post I explained that it’s the presence of these love hormones that are responsible for how we feel, that ‘blinded in love’ feeling.
After this initial phase, there are two other hormones that are responsible for the love and connection experienced in the early years of partnership, Vasopressin, and Oxytocin. These two hormones are largely present in the early years, and remain so with couples who experience a healthy and satisfying sex life.
When the levels of these love hormones begin to subside, love feels as if it is fading and that is not the case. What has happened is the conscious connections that took place in those early days have faded. There is an accompanying belief ‘that love just happens…and over time fades. NO it does not… what is required is conscious effort and conscious loving to reignite or accentuate those feelings of love and connection.
So here are a few simple exercises to practice… to deepen the feelings of connection…with one another… release the flow of love chemicals… and in so replenish your love tanks.
15 Minutes a Day
Consciously make time each day for one another – to connect and to really hear and be there for each other and for the relationship.
This can be as little as 15 mins per day. The average time a couple spends connecting is 90 seconds…So 15 mins per day is 10 times the current national average… I wrote a post that talks about 15 mins daily dates. That’s how powerful this can be in boosting your relationship connection and deepening the love.
The connection felt will bring you back into alignment and deepening your connection with one another…
Sitting in Silence Together
And if you’re up for another challenge – An exercise to really feel that heart felt emotion that you want to feel again and again. Go somewhere private and just sit together – close by one another….and spend some time together – in silence -without speaking…
Deeprak Chopra says that silence is the greatest form of love – to be able to sit in silence together and to feel the love and connection between you…
…Or spend a few minutes ideally 4 mins just staring into one another’s eyes! And feel the power of this connection….
And…Do this in perfect silence! There’s something magical in being with the one you love and sharing a silent moment together…
I have a client who practices this technique on a regular basis (weekly) with this wife – 4 mins of silently staring into one another’s eyes…He claims not only is it easy and fun to do – but they choose to do it while they’re in bed in the evening – their one year old is asleep – and the deep connection this exercise triggers, puts them in a great mood for some intimate action…
Professor Arthur Arun, an expert on falling in love and motivation ran an experiment wherein complete strangers were paired into couples and then required to spend 30 minutes exchanging intimate information about their lives, and then required to spend the next 4 mins starring silently into one another’s eyes. At the end of the 34 minutes all participants claimed that they felt a close connection to their ‘new found friend’ that was quite intimate. And one couple ended up marrying. That’s how powerful this exercise is, in deepening the love and connection together.
Another great way to feel connection and to get back in touch with one another is to go for a walk together…after dinner or before breakfast– hold hands and talk about your day…
Or take a snuggle break. This involves about 20 minutes when at an agreed time you both meet up in the bedroom or somewhere else where you can be alone and for 20 minutes you snuggle!
Conversation is optional…
… snuggling and touching is essential.
20 Sec Hugs
And my final connecting exercise is one of hugs. Conscious 20 second hugs! Yes conscious! You have to ASK for them!
I have a client who swears this has saved her marriage. She and her partner began conscious hugs about 5 years ago. You can read about the power of hugs in a previous post.
Now she says when they’re both at home her day is punctuated with 20 sec hugs – either her going to her partner screaming ‘HUG! HUG…!’
…Or him coming up from the garage or garden arms outstretched and calling out –‘HUG! HUG!’
It’s put an element of play and lightheartedness into their relationship. And what was once a conscious effort has now become a spontaneous way to appreciate each other for who they are and the love they share together…
She said not only are the hugs great but for one reason or another they usually end up laughing with one another. So there’s a double benefit in the connection. In their case these requests could be as frequent as every two or three hours!
Both remarked that the benefits of these hugs do far more than keep them connected. That in the moment with no words of exchange they acknowledge at a very heart felt centered place how much they appreciate one another and their relationship together.
A Level Deeper?
If you want to take this to the next level, get in tune with one another’s breathing while you’re hugging – that is mirror one another’s breath and breathing.
Best of all both these exercises result in the release of Oxytocin, the wonderful love hormone, and when done frequently become part of the daily routine connecting you and your partner at a deeper, heartfelt level.
I believe deep love is easy to obtain…And doesn’t fade over time.
It does however require a commitment to the relationship and a commitment to prioritize the relationship… putting time aside for the relationship every single day…
All you have to do is consider ways to strengthen the connection and get the chemistry flowing again! And take conscious steps each and every day to realize it!
Just 15 mins every day!
And in the process have fun!
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