What’s the secret to true intimacy? A loving connection and a safe, supportive environment or haven wherein you and your partner feel free and encourage one another to be your true selves are important foundations to developing true intimacy. That may sound easy, but many relationships exist in less than safe or supportive environments.
And what if there’s been little intimacy to date….? Or being brutally honest there’s a sense of animosity between the two of you and negative communication patterns are the norm?
Is it possible to rekindle the love and deepen the connection under those circumstances and create true love and deep intimacy?
I believe it is.
The good news is all that’s required is for you to be open to explore the possibilities of rekindling it if it’s faded. And if intimacy has never truly been present then that might mean doing a few things that you may not have considered before. And if that’s the case, what have you got to lose?
So if you are open to it…I’d like you to consider a couple of seemingly odd exercises or practices. I call them playtimes or homeplays. Exercises aimed to connect you to each other in a way that you may not have considered before… that deepen the connection irrespective of what the level of intimacy in your relationship currently is.
And if you can remain open enough to experiment and do these, watch as your relationship responds to the connection, and notice how this feels for each of you.
Each exercise may seem odd or at least sound unusual…but trust the process, and give them a go.
Each exercise is a proven recipe, designed to reignite feelings, reconnect and to see one another as the delicious human beings that each of you really are, and to deepen your connection to each other… and in so doing develop greater intimacy. And best of all these exercises take very little time to do.
Peaceful Connection – Side by Side
The first exercise is to sit together side by side in silence for 4-5 minutes. No words are needed. Just the commitment to sit side by side with one another. And ideally place one hand on the knee of the other. I explained this exercise in a lot more detail in my last post on intimacy. So take a look at that article here. Deeprak Chopra claims sitting in silence is one of the most powerful tools that couples can practice to increase their feelings of love and connection.
The benefits? While seemingly simple, implementing this exercise ignites the love hormones, which means each of you will feel more connected and more loving to one another. Done consistently or regularly this exercise creates a safe environment for each of you to see one another for the truly loving individuals that each of you are.
Release Your Inner Genie – Staring into One Another’s Eyes
The next exercise is lots of fun… that said as you read the instructions it may sound a little weird… So don’t question it… Just do it!
I’ve mentioned this exercise and its benefits before.
Simply go to a quiet space together and get comfy… and for few minutes do nothing more than stare into one another’s eyes…
• 30 seconds minimum – 4 minutes maximum. There’s no need for timing. You’ll know when the magic has begun, and when it’s time to just acknowledge one another!
I’ve had couples do this in bed as a weekly ritual to increase their sense of intimacy. It’s a very simple, but surprisingly, very powerful tool!
Igniting the Love Hormones
At a very basic or primal level both these exercises cause the love hormones to surge through the body enabling you to recalibrate and connect to one another at a very meaningful and powerful level….
And in the process open up your heart to new possibilities. And intimacy deepens when true openness is fostered.
Intimacy is not fostered by building barriers. Just as in war, fences divide.
So be playful. Give these exercises a try. Simple as they sound, each is a very powerful tool that increases connection. Both are very creative ways of relating to one another and to increase the level of intimacy – and in so doing create a deeper and more loving relationship together.
Exploding the Myth: Love Doesn’t Fade
Some couples believe that the heady days of dating and the early days of marriage is when ‘being in love’ is most felt…
…And that with the passage of time it’s normal to feel ‘out of love with their partner…’ Or that with the routine and busyness of life, the daily grind of work and children replace those heady ‘in love’ days.
Nothing could be further from the truth…
In fact those early days of romance when you felt that the world stopped when your eyes met your partner’s… when you only had eyes for one another… and your partner could do no wrong… And nights were spent dreaming of the ‘what ifs’ …
…Those experiences are the fantasy….
Remember the saying… ‘Love IS blind?’
Ever wondered if there was some truth behind the words?
There are several good reasons for that saying… as there is for yet another… that in the early stages of Love…Lovers see the world through ‘rose colored glasses’.
Love IS Blind for many, now known, scientific reasons…
In those early days of romance, and for some… some 2 years or so into marriage we are in a what I term a romantic fog, which truly does make us ‘blind’ to our partner.
What you see and experience in those early days of love is clouded by the presence of what is affectionately known as the ‘love hormones’, Dopamine and Serotonin…enabling you to see ONLY what you want to see in the other person!
Over time these ‘love hormones’ abate… subside… return to their normal levels in the body… and the brain returns to homeostasis… enabling you to see and feel the nuances that that love cocktail surging throughout your system allowed you ‘not to see’… or enabled you to overlook.
Recent research on the brain and the neurotransmitters released in the early days of dating, shows that Serotonin has a similar effect on the brain as opioids. That the feelings experienced with the release of Serotonin are similar to those experienced when using cocaine.
While these same love hormones can be triggered by new events, loving gestures to one another and sexual encounters…their emergence is now more measured than those experienced in the early days of dating.
Celebrate this! As this is the time when the gateway to true intimacy and real love opens up.
It’s only at this point in time that the opportunity to develop real, conscious, lasting love… far deeper, more meaningful than anything that you’ve ever experienced before occurs.
The opportunity for Real Magic together… Forever!
Enjoyed this post, found it informative? Please like, share or add a comment in the box below…