Say No to Negativity & Criticism in Your Relationship & Watch Your Relationship Flourish

Youn couple having an argument Several posts ago I mentioned the importance of creating a negative free environment as a means for a relationship to develop and deepen in connection…

Agreeing to foster an environment with a zero tolerance for negativity or criticism is a powerful decision to make to ensure that your relationship has a solid foundation to grow and deepen in a very loving supportive manner.

That said embarking on this strategy and firmly sticking to it requires considerable commitment from both of you and solid communication skills to implement it well. It takes discipline from both of you…That said, agreed to, implemented and strictly adhered to… the overall effect of agreeing to zero negativity or criticism in your relationship is an empowering means of deepening your relationship or taking it to the next level.

Zero Negativity or Criticism
If negativity and derisive comments are the staple means by which you and your partner currently communicate with one another agreeing to this strategy may initially mean that you find that you have nothing to say to one another. That’s OK. Notice this… And the effect that this has on your relationship. Over time you will reconnect differently and re-engage passionately.

As a commitment, this alone can overhaul a relationship. So overall the benefits are certainly worth the effort involved…

As mentioned in a previous post if criticism or derision of any kind plays a role in how you or your partner speak or refer to one another your relationship is at risk…

…These small negative behaviors left unchecked unwittingly undermine the wellbeing of one or both you … Constant belittling or negative comments are wearing on any relationship… Negativity consciously or unconsciously directed at one another demonstrates lack of respect and threatens the trust in the relationship.

There’s no place for constant criticism, negative comments or negative facial expressions in a successful, committed and loving relationship… NONE…

Tolerated as the norm, systemic to how one or both of you speak to one another the home environment very quickly becomes a place of fear… associated unconsciously as being unsafe… And that is not healthy or conducive to love and passion deepening.

…Left unattended the home environment quickly escalates into becoming a place where one or both of you unconsciously acts from a place of stress and defense.

Not ideal for any relationship, let alone its longevity or connectedness…

The stress hormone Adrenaline blocks the flow of Dopamine and Oxytocin which very quickly makes you feel disconnected… to one another…

…Which when left… unaddressed, escalates further into feelings of disconnect, tension, stress and feelings of being unloved and unwanted.

The Negative Impact of Criticism
Dr Harville Hendrix PhD  is even more adamant about the negative impact criticism has on the overall welfare of a relationship claiming that there’s no such thing as even constructive criticism. That all criticism is received by the brain as being destructive and as such automatically puts you in a defensive mode that means disconnecting you to feeling close to your partner…the very person you want to feel connected to.

Did you know that a facial expression showing disdain or disapproval or judgment is just as powerful in eliciting a stress signal in the body as the words uttered? And results in your feeling anxious, scared, frightened or unloved?

In other words, nonverbal expressions of disdain are just as powerful in sending signals of disconnection and distrust as words are.

So why foster language or behaviors that are unconsciously disconnecting you from the very person you love?

Zero Negativity Agreement
So what’s the solution? A conscious agreement between you and your partner to eliminate any form of negativity… So NO Negativity to be tolerated as a rule…or framework in which to operate…


How awesome would that be?

No judgment, no criticism at all…?

How much more would you feel accepted and loved? Just imagine it. Total acceptance! Permission to be…

To achieve this… make a pact together to eliminate ALL forms of criticisms from your relationship…

That means NO put downs, NO judgments, NO blaming, NO sarcastic comments, NO yelling obscene words and certainly NO raising of the eyebrows or quiet smirks!

This doesn’t mean that there won’t be issues that need to be discussed and sorted… Or disagreements or differences of opinion… What it means is that these issues will be dealt with differently… using neutral or more objective tones and communication styles.

Rather than resorting to blame, criticism and judgment… Adopt and use more powerful, more positive and more effective communication techniques to sort through these issues… And each time you succeed in doing so… Celebrate…

In so doing you’ll begin to celebrate the differences in your partnership as well as the things you share and enjoy together!

This in turn will improve the quality and feelings of being connected to one another… giving a sense of deep love and appreciation for one another…

Enjoyed this post? Found it valuable? How do you handle issues when a conflict arises?

Please like, share and comment in the box below… And I look forward to speaking with you soon. Please share the love…

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