Don’t Put Your Head in the Sand! Relationships Need Nurturing to Deepen & Grow!

Ostrich with its head in the sand Relationships are like plants. They need to be nurtured and watered to grow and to develop. Neglect these basics and the relationship soon loses its gloss, its lustre and its ability to stand the weathering of time.

I often write about strategies for couples to adopt that will enable them to deepen their love for one another and keep the zing in their relationship alive and fresh! If you’ve read previous articles you’ll know that I am a great advocate for couples spending time together consciously discussing and sharing what keeps them aglow. Doing so ensures that the romance and love in the relationship is never taken for granted. Done on a regular basis, this small strategy ensures that over time rather than fading the love between the two of you deepens – deepens in two very important ways, increased respect and mutual admiration.

That said I am constantly surprised by the reaction and comments that I receive.

The most recent comment I received when I shared this point of view came from a young woman in her early 30s who’s been cohabiting with her boyfriend for some 14 years. Prior to my comments she shared that she did not feel that there was much romance in the relationship. She continued by adding that at times she felt that that there was little communication between the two of them. She had recently embarked on a business venture and she felt that she was not getting any support or the encouragement she would have liked from her partner.

When I asked what she and her partner did to keep the spark and sizzle alive she looked at me blankly. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked.

I talked about values, date nights and ways of working harmoniously together. Conscious planning to add fun and romance to the relationship! My reply was met with disbelief!

She turned to me and in a quite a hostile voice said – ‘You make relationships and having a loving lasting relationship sound like work!’ To which I replied – ‘Yes that’s right!

Successful healthy relationships like every other success in life are the result of conscious work and contribution. They don’t just happen or last without conscious effort and the desire to allocate spending quality time together!  Conscious effort is one of the key components in a happy and successful, healthy relationship. That is taking the time and making the time EACH and every day to make your relationship a priority in your life – a conscious part of everyday living!’

Think about it! Relationships become stale and lack lustre when they are taken for granted. When one or both partners assume that having once had fun and laughter together that’s it. The deal is sealed! That the love shared and experienced in those early days of dating will last! Not so!

Relationships are like plants they need to be watered and nourished or over time they lose their lustre! So let your partner know that they are appreciated and loved for who they are! Every day! And look at ways to keep the fire and romance in your relationship alive and bright!

Make your relationship a priority! Develop strategies to keep the love alive- deepen the affection and respect and have more fun together!

In the wise and loving words of Karen Sherman, PhD, author of ‘Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last.’ ‘If you want to keep your love life going, making your relationship a focal point does not end when you say  ‘I do.’ And the comment that really struck a chord with me is that without conscious effort every day. ‘Relationships lose their lustre!’

Think about it – Relationships are about familiarity, and the more familiar we become the easier it is to assume and or take things for granted! So don’t let this happen to you or your relationship!

Think about ways you can keep your love alive with the conscious aim of deepening the connection!

Here are a few that Sherman shares:

  • Do some of the things that you used to do when you were first dating. Show your appreciation. Compliment one another. Think about forwarding a cheerful or loving sms message or having a short lunch time chat! Show interest in one another’s day!  Remember the hours you used to spend chatting to one another with nothing really to say? And how you felt with that degree of connection? Reconnect in little ways and doing little things for one another!
  • Don’t take one another and one another’s actions for granted. Show respect for one another. Acknowledge each other on a regular – daily basis. Use words of appreciation such as ‘Thank You’ and ‘I really appreciate …’ Showing your partner that he/she really matters, and that you care.
  • Plan regular date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life. Put the dates in the calendar and commit to having some quality time together. And certainly without the kids if there are children in the household.
  • And most important of all, have fun together. Spice up the relationship! Consider doing some new or novel activities together – perhaps taking turn about to plan an evening or an afternoon together. This doesn’t have to be expensive or lengthy – it’s about connecting one on one – having a laugh or time out together.  In an earlier article I wrote about deepening connection in relationships with 15 minute mini dates – daily dates just 15 minutes of the day!

And most of all don’t forget to have fun!

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  1. says

    I think it can be easy to take your partner for granted, especially when you spend years together 24/7! I found the 5 languages of love book very interesting and I think it is important to remember what keeps your partners love bank full!
    But of course this still does take some conscious thought 🙂

  2. says

    Great reminders, thank you. I find that appreciation is a massive part of the success of my relationship with my partner. I agree that having a lasting relationship is work, but when it is work that you enjoy it doesn’t feel like work.

    For us in particular I find it doesn’t feel like work because a lot of our core values are similar. One of them being appreciation, so we both reciprocate words and gestures of appreciation equally 🙂

    • Carol says

      Thank You Kylah, As you so clearly suggest that when your motive is for connection and your core values are aligned it doesn’t feel like work.. Appreciation as you mention is key to a lasting and deeply loving relationship…

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