How to Keep the Sizzle & Sexual Intimacy in Your Relationship Alive…& Deliciously Playful

Couple making love in bed

Image by imagerymagestic courtesy freedigitalphotos.net

I’ve written several times on the importance of keeping the sexual intimacy in a relationship alive.  And have stressed many times that when the sexual intimacy in a relationship begins to fade or lose its attraction a relationship is entering troubled waters.

So don’t let this happen to you… Sexual intimacy is critical in a loving, healthy relationship. And it’s one that I suggest you, the female in the relationship, take responsibility for… to ensure that this part of the relationship remains alive and fun.

Keep the Sizzle Alive or Get It Back On Track

One of the reasons that I suggest that you take ownership or responsibility to ignite or maintain the sexual intimacy is so that it happens…The second is that if, or when sexual intimacy slips for whatever reason, a man begins to question his masculinity and sense of himself.  …Making sexual overtones and requests to connect physically with you emotionally challenging…

And once the sexual intimacy slips from the radar a man’s biggest concern is that if he makes sexual advances he’ll be rejected. And that’s emotionally too damaging for most men to consider, let alone act on.

So if the sexual part of your relationship has for whatever reason slipped, set about thinking of ways to let your partner know that you miss him… that you are missing the sexual connection and that you would like to explore ways to reignite the passion that you once enjoyed and shared together.

How do I suggest this takes place? In fun… being light hearted and playful.

As one of you goes out the door or is getting ready for work… mention the intent… playfully… !

‘…I’ve been thinking that it would be really nice to have some bedroom action this evening, I’ve really missed you…and just thought I’d let you know that I’ll be thinking about you all day and I’ll be in the mood for some intimate play when you come home tonight.’

The Female Response

What happens then is interesting… When you as a woman recognize that there is an intention for sexual connection and play, your thoughts and the focus of those thoughts center on the desire for that connection. Specific hormones immediately kick in… And you become emotionally ready and available… desiring the sexual connection…so in the mood.

…And that excitement builds up… so that on seeing your partner at the end of the day you’re in the mood for sex… Just as you were when you were dating!

Remember the anticipation all those years ago? You may have thought that that was just young love…it wasn’t. In those early days your hormones were playing an unconscious game with you… capturing your desires so that you were ready to play when he wanted to… As you did too.

That’s what you want to capture again.

Just remember your loved one desires and wants intimacy just as much as you do… His needs for intimacy however are met differently.

Did you know that when men don’t have their sexual needs met they become grumpy, angry and disappointed? Like little boys?

Women Are Wired Differently

Contrary to this we women experience sex quite differently. Sexual expression for a woman is not a physical need. As a rule we don’t experience a physical sexual demand that needs releasing.

As a woman your desire for sexual connection is largely driven by the fluctuations in your hormones.

We crave sexual connection when we feel intimacy. Our sexual desire is connected to our emotional needs. We typically feel like sex when we feel we are emotionally appreciated.

A man, however can and does experience sexual arousal apart from any emotional attachment.

Even when he’s completely devoted to and in love with his partner he can experience arousal at the sight of a naked woman AND feel an intense physical desire for that woman! With NO emotional connection or desire for THAT woman…

For many women this feels disconcerting… It can feel as if our partner has disconnected from us…

As we are wired differently, it just doesn’t seem to compute!

In essence the fundamental difference in the wiring of male and female sexuality is that men are able to separate sex from their intimate love relationships while for you as a woman, the two are inexplicably intertwined.

That aside don’t be misled by this or assume that sex for a man is less important or for him trivialized.

Don’t Dismiss the Importance of Sexual Connection for Relationship Bliss

Don’t assume that because sex is a physical need for your partner that it doesn’t have an emotional or a relational impact on him. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Although your partner can compartmentalize his physical need for sex in his life, his sexual behavior still has major ramifications for every other part of his life.

A man’s sexuality has a tremendous impact on his emotional, marital, and spiritual well-being. And in keeping with that on how he delivers to you in the relationship and meets your needs.

And it’s for these reasons that I implore you to address the issue of sex if you want your relationship to be a happy and fulfilling one. Deliciously so.

Take the time to consider how both of you can have your needs for sexual intimacy met in a manner that you may not have considered previously. And have fun in the process.

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