How do You Keep the Love in YOUR Relationship Alive & Sizzling?

Sadly many people believe that it’s challenging to keep the love in their relationship alive and sizzling. They expect the love to fade! And some Couple looking very affectionately at one another as they dance togetherbelieve that it’s only in new love by its very nature that the sparkle lives.

Not so! When you know what ignites the spark – mature relationships can be far deeper and more meaningful than ‘new love’ – reaching unparalleled levels of depth and devotion.

So what are the secrets of keeping your relationship alive and fresh and the love deeper than ever before?

Oxytocin & Vasopressin
In a recent post  I discussed the role of Dopamine and Serotonin in the early stages of love, and how these hormones are responsible for the feelings of love and connection experienced.

After this initial phase of attraction there are two other chemicals that keep couples together – at least long enough to have and raise children together! The two major hormones involved in those feelings of attachment or connection are Oxytocin and Vasopressin. So what you may ask…?

So it’s simple! If we know what causes us to feel connected – the presence of Oxytocin and Vasopressin in the bloodstream, wouldn’t it be safe to conclude that we know what causes us to lose those feelings of connectedness – to feel detached or disconnected? The absence of those two chemicals… Along with depleted levels of Dopamine and Serotonin.

And while I don’t want to sound too cold or matter of fact….the science does lead us to develop a game plan to keep relationships alive, healthy and fun! Deliciously loving.

And best of all it’s easy to do!

Fill Up Your Love Tank
If you’re feeling disconnected or feel that your relationship has lost its zing…There’s every chance that you and your relationship are operating on an empty love tank…and that’s a tough call.

Think about it… you have to fill up your car up with gas if you want to take a drive…and get to your desired destination.

It’s no different with love…Want the connection and deep love that you deserve and desire? Want to feel connected and more importantly enjoy the love of your dreams? Then you have to make regular stops to fill up your love tank and ensure that your relationship is not running on empty…

And that’s easy…Easy! Yes…When you know how, it’s dead easy…

All you need is the commitment to replenish and maintain your love tank. And then take action…to connect

Keep Your Eye on Your Love Tank Levels
So how do you refuel your love tank? And more importantly find means to stimulate the release of Oxytocin and Vasopressin into your system?

Oxytocin is released by both men and women during orgasm. Its presence is believed to be responsible for the deep feelings of attachment and connection felt for one another after having sex.

Scientific evidence suggests that the more sex you have the deeper your relationship and bond becomes. And Vasopressin the other important hormone responsible for feeling a long-term and deep commitment is also released during and after sex.

Given that you could conclude – Increase the sexual component in your relationship and that’s that…and that would be a good conclusion. It’s well known that couples, who enjoy an active and healthy sex life, are typically ‘more in love’ than couples who have let the sexual component of their relationship slide.

But this post isn’t about sex – while being lovers is critical to a successful relationship I’ve devoted several posts to the importance of sex to a healthy and loving relationship.

Keeping the Connection Alive & Fresh
While I believe maintaining the sexual spark and connection in a relationship is critical to its longevity, let’s explore other ways to restore, maintain or deepen the connection in your relationship – ensuring it remains alive and fresh.

And why it’s so important to consciously connect if you want to have the relationship of your dreams, the relationship that you deserve.

Conscious Connections
Did you know that the average time a couple spends connecting each day is a mere 90 seconds? That’s it! 90 seconds! That is hardly ‘an hello – how are you’?

By connecting I mean real heart felt communication with one another – connecting TO the relationship rather than working IN the relationship. Heartfelt connections… keeping the love and romance alive.

So what are some of the things that you can do to not only increase the time devoted to connecting with each other but more importantly increase the quality of that connection?

In other words through conscious connections increase the flow of Oxytocin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Vasopressin? And in so doing, feel connected in a new and intensified way.

Connecting to the relationship and each other rather than to the chores or busyness of life…? Taking time out with one another to discuss how you are feeling or taking time out for some pleasurable time together…?

In an earlier post I outlined some interesting exercises or practices that take as little as 5 or 15 mins …that are proven ways to deepen the connection and jump start that loving feeling. You may want to have a look at them.  Couples that practice these techniques on a regular basis swear by them. They are simple and done with intention foolproof. So get cracking and consider things that you can do to deepen the connection and feeling of love that you both desire. Just 15 mins per day is all that it takes. And isn’t your relationship worth that?

Keep your eye on that love tank and each day make conscious commitment to fill it to the brim.

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  1. says

    This post is spot on as usual. I’m guilty of letting the love tank get empty when we used to be madly rushing around working all the time. Now that we live and travel overseas it is so much easier to make time to connect. We talk about our plans for the future almost every day and I feel a lot, lot more connected to our relationship.

    • Carol says

      Yes Tracey, It’s so easy to get caught in the busyness of life. That said it’s not enough to spend time together it’s about the quality of that time together. And as you so rightly mention connecting. Experiencing new things together, travelling and living in a new country while at times challenging brings novelty into a relationship – and that certainly enhances a heathy and loving relationship – strengthening and heightening the sense of connection. Thank you for sharing.

  2. says

    Another awesome post Carol, I am learning so much from reading your blog! I would believe 90 seconds of quality time – sadly! Today we fussed over a tame stray bird we have taken in, it was so nice to have this cute little animal to look after all of a sudden, and a delicious experience to have together. Obviously not quite the buzz of an orgasm (!) but I am sure things like that bring you closer together as well!

  3. says

    Wow – the science behind all this is fascinating. In practise it totally makes sense. I often find my partner and I ‘disconnect’ and seem to have more arguments over minor things when we haven’t made time to be present with each other, whether that be in bed, or simply going for a walk together. Thanks for the reminder!

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