How Do You Keep the Novelty & Fun Alive in Your Relationship?

Young couple doing salsa or latin american dancing togetherIn a recent post I discussed the importance of  consciously working on the relationship and like plants relationships need tendering to grow and reach their full potential. That if not cared for consciously, that lack of effort over time can create havoc on what was once a truly loving union.

Relationships need constant tendering to maintain the connection and deepen the intimacy…

… And that’s not always easy to do. So what are some things that you can do to keep the relationship alive and fresh and continually grow together?

I’m a great believer in relationships developing together by learning together… as a means of deepening the connection and keeping the connection alive and fresh.

So what do I mean by this…?

Growth Within the Relationship
Relationships that actively enjoy being with one another by their very essence grow and develop in deep companionship.

But let’s look at a different type of growth…

I highly recommend that as a couple… you learn or engage in new pursuits together. This could be anything… taking on a new challenge such as learning ballroom dancing or salsa or cooking classes to taking up tennis or golf or learning a language together.

The issue is not what it is that you take up together but rather that it’s new to each of you.

…Something that appeals to one or both of you and then make a commitment to tackle the chosen activity or challenge together.


Because it brings a new dimension to the relationship… And in so doing exposes each of you to something new or less familiar. Brings a new challenge to be faced together.

And that brings you together differently from the norm… providing another and different opportunity for connecting. This time on a different playground…

…The newness in itself brings novelty… and novelty breeds connection. That novelty also brings a play… a novel resourcefulness into the relationship.

In tackling a new challenge or taking on a new activity you have another opportunity to discover new aspects about yourself and your partner and that can be fun and / or very enlightening.

Whatever you commit to do… the challenge is to really commit to a program of say six months or more.

And who knows… you may just love it… Great! It may become something that you continue to do together. If not that’s just fine…

The aim of the exercise is to add to the spice of your relationship and its many facets.

A Personal Experience
Allow me to share with you one of my forays undertaking this challenge with a partner. Not the most successful of adventures but it did turn out to be quite enlightening.

My then partner suggested that we learn ballroom dancing together. To which I readily agreed. I thought it would be good exercise and lots of fun… I love dancing, but it had been a long time since I’d danced…

Unbeknownst to me my then partner was an expert! He’d mastered the art of ballroom in his early twenties…

…The first night was a disaster for me…I hated it. What was once a love for me had rapidly turned into a nightmare… I quickly discovered that in the intervening years of leaving my twenties I’d grown two left feet.

Our dancing lessons were at 6pm on Friday evenings which meant I had to leave work early to make the class.

I’m not sure if my feet were not listening to my brain or if I’d left my brain at the office still thinking about whether or not I’d finished all the tasks I’d hoped to complete before the weekend. Either way it was a disaster…At least on the dance floor!

The class was quite upbeat and the physical exercise great… Once I got over the embarrassment of it all.

After class we would end up at a small restaurant nearby to catch a late meal and chat about our experiences…

In the intervening days from one class to the next it was not uncommon for my partner to come into the kitchen while I was cooking… do a little demonstration dance step… or twirl me round as he called out the next move to make…

While the classes themselves were not a hit with me, the experience was novel, and overall it certainly picked up the pace in our relationship at home. It opened up whole avenues of conversation about his past that had never been discussed before.

And there was much laughter as I attempted to follow his intricate moves… The kitchen was never the same… All because we took up dancing classes!

So consider what you might take on together and make a plan.

Consider taking on one or two new activities each year… so that you both have the opportunity of contributing to the growth and direction of the relationship. And who knows what direction it will lead you to…

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Many thanks and much love…

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