‘Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. ‘Yes’ is the answer’ Swami X
Sadly this is one area of connection that many couples lose quite early on in their relationship… the busyness of life initially interferes with their having an active and fulfilling sex life, and then it all gets too hard.
Excuses take over and having a conversation about sex let alone initiating it becomes challenging!
And as time ticks by neither partner wants to tackle the elephant in the room!
Excuses become rife… Complacency sets in….
Don’t shy away from it… If you want to keep your relationship alive and loving then an active and enjoyable sex life is critical.
Having an Active Sex Life is Important
An active sex life is an important element in an intimate, deeply loving relationship. And the absence of it… a critical sign that the relationship is in need of a boost. Something is wrong!
Sexual connection is nourishment to intimacy… as important in a relationship as food is to the nourishment of your body. And if that is the case… think about it…The only time you lose an appetite for food is when you’re ill… so if that’s the case what’s happened to a relationship when the appetite for sexual pleasure is no longer desired?
What’s Your Excuse?
…Many couples and particularly women have too many excuses as to why the sex in their relationship has faded or completely died…
…Worse some couples think that this state of affairs is normal…which is very sad… As a healthy sex life is a wonderful way to express your love and devotion to your partner and to connect… And to keep the relationship in a state of eternal glow.
I’d go as far as saying…that maintaining sexual intimacy is one of the most critical areas to address in any relationship… so it’s important that you be open to evaluating the role sex currently plays in your relationship.
And if you’re not currently enjoying a deep and fulfilling sex life in your relationship then it’s time to get back to the basics. Make a conscious effort to rekindle the connection and to consider ways and means of keeping your sexual connection alive and interesting.
And as importantly have fun rekindling the sex in your relationship or at least upping the quotient!
So if you want real magic in your relationship, think about ways that you can increase and / or add to the spice in the bedroom. And ladies this may mean that you have to take the lead…
Let’s look at this further…
As relationships develop the spontaneity of sexual encounters dwindles. In the busyness of life when children come along many couples find it challenging to find time for sex, or are challenged in finding a place for privacy.
So what do you do? Irrespective of the excuses, it’s important to schedule in time for sex.
And Yes…You read correctly – Schedule in time for sex!
Sex Not on the Agenda?
In the busyness of life, and particularly when children come along, sex and time set aside for sexual intimacy often fly out the window!
Women claim that they’re too tired! And men maintain that they feel rebuffed or rejected!
The Male Response
And when a man’s requests for sex are rebuffed or rejected on a regular basis he begins to feel unwanted, unloved….And he stops initiating or making sexual innuendos…
‘After several days without sex, I start to feel like you don’t care about me.
It isn’t a conscious decision…
… but my resentment just starts to build…
and keeps getting worse each day that you ignore or reject me.’ – Author unknown
These feelings of rejection cause men to question their desirability as lovers and at its core their very masculinity.
And as these feelings develop it’s not too long before engaging in sex is a thing of the past…
Neither party feels comfortable initiating the subject of sex for fear of rejection!
I’ve heard some men say three or four rejections are sufficient for them to begin to question themselves and the relationship. After that requests for sex or intimacy become too difficult to initiate…
Ladies our men are far more fragile in this area than they let on. And far more fragile than we women acknowledge in them!
Don’t let this state befall you… Or if this is your current state of play… take a deep breath and using my tips, sex up that relationship of yours!
Make Time for Sex
So make time for sex. Conscious make time and schedule it in. That’s right in the same way that you would schedule in time for a date…And why am I suggesting that you schedule time in for sex? Because if you don’t… no matter how loved up you feel… it won’t happen!
Something else will come up. (No pun intended!)
The fun thing about scheduling time in for sex… ahead of time is that it does three things.
Firstly as women we get in the mood for sex. We begin to think about having sex and in doing so we get ready…for sex. We become tuned in… receptive to our partner’s moves.
We get in the mood! Ready for love… We begin to think and fantasize about the experience… What we might wear…Do…Feel and say etc.
And as we do, Oxytocin is released into the bloodstream, which makes us feel excited, sexy, feminine, appreciated and good about ourselves…
Did you know that as a woman, just the very act of thinking about having sex, functions in much the same way as foreplay?
I’ve mentioned the role the hormone, Oxytocin plays in several previous posts…
It’s affectionately referred to as one of the ‘love hormones’ and is believed to be a very important component in human pair-bonding.
For women the presence of Oxytocin is one of the reasons we experience sexual desire, and that’s the second reason to schedule in time for sex. To initiate the release of Oxytocin into your blood stream and as a result feel loved and appreciated…deepening the bond with your partner…
Break the Drought
And lastly in scheduling in time for sex, both your partner and you know that a date and a commitment to spend time together, to connect sexually has been made.
Your significant other will be ecstatic at the prospect! And when the time comes you’ll be in the mood and ready to tango… to be loved up…
When you’ve scheduled time for sex… You can bring an element of spontaneity and play into the sexual relationship… asking or reminding your partner in the morning… as they get ready for work…That you’ll be in the mood for sex when he or she returns… that evening!
For a woman that means you’ll start thinking about having sex… hours before it’s going to happen. And by the time your partner returns you’ll be in the mood, ready to be loved and appreciated.
The net effect of this is that the routine or drought has been broken…
Scheduling in time for sex means that you’re not likely to reject your partner when you get that affectionate nudge that typically means ‘I’m ready to play, are you?’
And for men it means ‘Tonight it’s on! Yahoo!’
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