Key is that the communication in the relationship is open and honest… always… But to feel safe to do so requires a high degree of trust and integrity to exist.
What do I mean? Honesty and openness are multi layered, complex attributes or values rather than simple ones… each require you to be true to yourself and to honor yourself and to trust your partner completely. Knowing that you will be supported and accepted for all that you do and say. Both honoring one another and fully accepted no matter what.
True intimacy develops …by being open and genuinely honest with one another.… Learning to trust one another implicitly….
So honesty, and openness or transparency are two vital ingredients critical in the creation of the rock solid foundation needed for intimacy to develop.
That said there are several things to consider in being open and honest – and fully honoring and respecting your integrity. Let’s look at what these might be.
Firstly… Always communicate from a place of authenticity. Being open and honest with one another… Truthful with one another…
…Harboring no secrets – no matter how small… And while that may seem basic, being totally honest and harboring no secrets from one another is not easy for some…
Many couples joke about the secrets that they keep from their loved one…the things that they do or say to others but they wouldn’t dream of revealing to their loved one…often seemingly small things, but secrets all the same.
…Think about it… when you harbor secrets from your loved one aren’t you also making a comment about the state of your relationship and the lack of trust in which it operates? And when trust is questionable or lacking isn’t your relationship being built on shaky grounds…? Is that worth the cost…?
And as mentioned it’s so often the little things that couples are secretive or lie about. The new dress that’s been hidden in the cupboard and taken out to wear months later, claiming, when noticed…
…’Ooh this old thing…? No it’s not new; I’ve had it for years!’
Or the secretive catch up with an old flame that’s not mentioned for fear of the reaction it might cause.
How honest or open is this?
Being open and honest builds trust, and when you know and feel that you can genuinely trust your partner in every way… You’re in a safe place. And that shows. As you feel safe…
And when you feel safe you can reveal yourself fully and genuinely. This in itself is one of the magic keys to opening the doors of togetherness and developing true intimacy.
Trusting in one another… And holding a safe space for your partner is fundamental to creating true heartfelt intimacy…
…And true intimacy is the doorway that deepens a relationship easily and effortlessly. Deliciously…
Through intimacy real love develops. Couples grow more deliciously close to one another.
Secondly – Always communicate with your partner from a heartfelt space… from a place of feeling.
I heard an expression recently that really resonated with me… that I’d like to share. To really get in touch with YOUR true feelings take note of your body and express your feelings from that place…Get in touch with physiology and express your feelings by talking from ‘the belly up rather than from the head down.’ As it’s in your belly that emotions and feelings reside. The head in contrast to this is the center of logic and analytical thoughts…
Communicating ‘from the belly’ means that you have to get in touch with your feelings which means that the communication between the two of you comes from a special heartfelt place. And when messages are forwarded from this place, each and every word conveys that love and care.
Why? Because when you communicate from the heart the words and tone you use reflect your sincerity and love.
Speak Lovingly to One Another
That doesn’t mean that you won’t bring up or talk about issues on which you have yet to find common ground or agreement. It just means that the language and tone in which these issues are discussed isn’t peppered with words or language that sabotages the opportunity for intimacy to be present and grow.
It’s impossible to be negative or abusive when you come from a heartfelt space.
Choose Loving Words
Make every word that you use be a loving one, which cherishes and celebrates your relationship.
Language or words that are used or chosen to belittle or diminish your partner in any shape or form inhibit intimacy and its growth. And are toxic to the health of a loving relationship…
Resorting to use them is at best childish… typically a sign or an indication that an issue from the past has not been fully resolved…
Some believe that resorting to words of belittlement is often an unconscious plea for help…as a last resort… an attention seeking behavior that all is not well.
These patterns however are not healthy and need to be nipped from the onset.
Choose to end these sabotages and open your heart in new ways if you desire greater levels of intimacy.
Choose to speak lovingly to one another…from a heartfelt space. Honestly with transparency and authenticity and watch as real intimacy blooms.
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