‘A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.’ – Andre Maurois
Let me explain…Connection is all about experiencing and igniting the deep romantic connection that you experienced in the afterglow of dating and in the early years of marriage. And conscious connection is about igniting those feelings every single day.
Most of us fondly remember the heady days of our earliest forays with our partner. One of the reasons for this is the sheer novelty of that experience…The headiness of it all… Dates and days just thinking about our partner – and dreaming of the next time he or she would call.
Remember those early days…?
…..Eagerly looking forward to the next connection and preparing yourself to be your very best and most attractive? Look at the language used in those early days of love – ‘we’ve fallen in love…’
And when we ‘FALL’ in love – we ‘FEEL’ in love…Ever wondered why in those early days your every thought is consumed by thoughts of your partner…?
The Chemistry of Love
Recent research has shown that in those heady early days of love our physical bodies are flooded with unusually high levels of two hormones, Testosterone and Estrogen. These chemicals essentially flood the nervous system and in so doing are responsible for the range of emotions typically associated with being ‘in love’.
In other words the emotions you experience are not love per se but a physical reaction….to those chemicals released….The result of a chemical chain or explosion that’s been set in motion. And that exhilaration of emotion is essentially nature’s unique and beautiful way of keeping the human species alive and reproductive…
As the relationship develops and you feel that the whole world exists just for you and your partner, your brain is being flooded or overwhelmed with an irresistible cocktail of chemicals…known familiarly as the chemicals of love.
Remember those hours spent thinking about your partner – day dreaming about seeing him or her again? His face or voice unexpectedly popping into your head when you least expected it? And your obsession with every word, every gesture…?
And what about the intense pleasure you experienced EVERY time you caught up or saw one another?
The sense that time did not matter – that the world was yours?
And perhaps you can recall that at that time you seemed to have no need for sleep…!
Your energy levels were at an all-time high and you took delight in the smallest details of your new relationship. And at that time he or she could do no wrong!
Do you really think that you were in full control back then? If you think you were…I have news for you…
The latest research reveals that those heady days are intended…Not unique to you but rather all part of a grander scheme. YES… all part of nature’s plan!
How you may ask? Merely the physical result or bodily response from the cocktail of chemicals that were released and were present in your system at that time…
The Early Stages of Love
In those initial days or early stages of falling in love the stress response is activated. This results in increased levels of Cortisol and Adrenaline being released into the blood system and is responsible for the sweaty palms, and heavy heart beat that you experienced.
Recent research on the brains of ‘newly struck’ couples also shows an increased presence of two neurotransmitters, Dopamine and Serotonin.
So what? Well the Dopamine triggers an intense pleasure rush to the brain which stimulates a sense of desire and reward. It’s believed that the experience of Dopamine on the brain is similar to taking cocaine! So Yes… Love really is intoxicating!
In those early stages of your blossoming romance…it’s the release of Serotonin, a love chemical that’s responsible for those feelings of bonding, feeling close and connected. It’s its presence that accounts for the thoughts you have that keep popping into your head about your new love!
In fact a recent landmark study in Italy showed that the presence of these two chemicals in the body is so powerful that it can change the way you think…
So things are not exactly how we think they are…in those early days of love…
While we’re under the illusion or would like to believe that we’re independently and objectively choosing a love partner, nature is kindly playing its own quiet part.
Beneath the external surface of dating little do most of us realize that it’s this cocktail of chemicals that’s responsible for the feelings of attraction and connection we experience.
A New Perspective
While my aim is not to detract from those early days of romance and connection…it is to put a new perspective to those heady days of first love and to explain the reasons you felt the way you did then, while you were dating.
And in appreciating that….which was for most of us so powerful and enticing…show you how to rekindle or maintain or intensify those feelings…Many couples believe that over time their feelings of love and connection fade, or at least have lost the electricity of those early days of loves. That’s not so. What in effect has happened is that the levels of Dopamine and Oxytocin have subsided, returned to their normal levels. Conscious connections are one way to reignite those feeling of connection and done on a regular basis increase and deepen the feelings of intimacy and love.
Not just regain those feelings of heightened connection, but when you understand how and why those feelings were ignited…use that awareness and learning so that you can not only recreate it…but more importantly you can enhance and deepen your connection!
…Taking your connection and feeling of connectedness to a deeper and more heightened level… Deeper and more loving than you’ve experienced before!
…Taking your relationship to a deeper level of intimacy and connection perhaps to a level never before experienced. And in the process have lots of fun!
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