Relationships like plants need nurturing. Neglect to water, remove the weeds or provide appropriate nutrients and even the sturdiest of plants will not survive for long. Relationships are the same. They thrive when nurtured, made a priority and given attention on a daily basis. So keep your love alive. Make your relationship a priority in your life, nurturing it everyday and watch it bear fruit - one of the keys to a loving, lasting, healthy relationship.

How Does Supporting ‘Me Time’ Strengthen & Deepen Your Relationship? Lovingly & Deliciously?

‘…the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other’  ― Dalai Lama XIV

Female exercise classTruer words were never spoken.

Relationships grow more loving and deepen when the individuals within the relationship are supported and encouraged to grow as individuals – to pursue some interests or passions outside of the relationship…

It’s been shown that relationships grow when the individuals within the relationship are supported and encouraged to grow…to become autonomous. So taking time out from the relationship… to grow and develop on a personal or individual level…is a very proactive and enlightening way to deepen and enrich your relationship.Continue Reading

Is Your Partner Using Your Love Language? 7 Steps to Ensure Their Messages of Love are Heard

Couple walking hand in hand along the beach - spending quality time togetherI’ve written several times about there being five unique or different love languages and that if you’re not using your partner’s unique, love language then your expressions of love and commitment are potentially not being heard. The notion of there being five, unique love languages was first written about by Gary Chapman.

In Chapman’s best seller he explains that there are five distinct languages of love and that by default, naïve of this or naïve to the unique language of love of our partner, we typically express our love and commitment to our partner using our OWN language of love. And in doing so risk those messages of love not being heard.Continue Reading

How Do You Keep the Novelty & Fun Alive in Your Relationship?

Young couple doing salsa or latin american dancing togetherIn a recent post I discussed the importance of  consciously working on the relationship and like plants relationships need tendering to grow and reach their full potential. That if not cared for consciously, that lack of effort over time can create havoc on what was once a truly loving union.

Relationships need constant tendering to maintain the connection and deepen the intimacy…

… And that’s not always easy to do. So what are some things that you can do to keep the relationship alive and fresh and continually grow together?Continue Reading

Sexual Intimacy or Connection Faded…Need Rekindling? Take the Seven Day Challenge

Young couple sharing a chocolate together and laughing g

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In previous posts I have mentioned the importance of keeping the sex connection in your relationship alive and interesting. Ensuring that this vital part of your relationship remains as magical as it did in the early stages of your romance… And to achieve this in the busyness of life, especially when you’ve been together a number of years, you may feel that there’s no need to make this part of your relationship a priority… that making time for sex is more challenging… there’s no time, there’s children in the household and the like.Continue Reading

Learn & Use Your Partner’s Love Language or Risk Your Messages of Love Not Being Heard



Image of beautiful young couple in love - whispering love messages to each other

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In a previous article, I mentioned Gary Chapman’s ground breaking research in which he explains that there are five unique love languages.  And that if we don’t use the love language that is unique to our partner than our messages of love and devotion typically fall on deaf ears. That when we don’t take the time to learn and use our partner’s unique love language then over time we risk that person, your beloved feeling unloved…potentially seeking love elsewhere.

In that article I explained that each individual love language is as different from one another as one foreign language is to another. They are as different in sound and expression as Chinese is to German or French is to Japanese.Continue Reading

Nurture Your Relationship & Watch the Love & Affection Deepen & Grow

A silhouette of a mature tree against the sunset and a quote from John Lennon that love needs to be nurturedWhile my analogy may sound cold or objective… relationships are no different from pieces of machinery. If not maintained and nurtured they fall apart.

So what’s important?… it’s important to maintain it, nurture it, and keep it in tip top condition so that you create and have the relationship of your dreams…The relationship that you deserve… Keeping the love tank full and never lifting your eyes from the road you’re on and the destination you both want to reach.Continue Reading

Discover the Fun & Playfulness that Deeply, Loving Relationships Foster & Share

Romantic Couple Having Fun & Laughing together

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In a recent post I mentioned the power of laughter to foster the connection and sense of lovingness in a relationship. That laughter while in its own right is fun, has the additional benefit of causing Dopamine the bonding hormone to be released into the system which is responsible for you feeling so good.

And if that’s the case why not use laughter and light heartedness as a means of keeping your relationship in flow, fully engaged and connected?Continue Reading

Become a Master in Your Partner’s Love Language if You Want Your Messages of Love to be Heard

Close Up Of Romantic Young Couple In Passionate Look

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In a recent article, I mentioned Gary Chapman’s research  as detailed in his internationally renowned best seller, ‘The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate’, and the importance of using the appropriate love language if you want your expressions of love and commitment to be heard by your partner. That there are five unique love languages and that if we don’t use the love language that is unique to our partner than our heartfelt messages of love and commitment fall on deaf ears.

So if we don’t take the time to learn and use our partner’s unique love language then over time we risk that person feeling unloved, potentially seeking love elsewhere.

That sounds easy but is it? All too often I hear one or both partners say that they know the love language of their loved one but all too often I also hear them say that they keep forgetting, and find using or remembering to use their partner’s love isn’t easy. By default they fall into expressing their love and affection using their own unique love language.

Of course not. If you were to embark on mastering a new language, quite different in every aspect from your native tongue and one that you were not familiar with or had never considered learning before, would you imagine that it was enough to know that the language had different sounds and expressions if you were to master it. Of course not.

Then why would being aware or knowing your partner’s love language, be sufficient for you to master it and use it proficiently? If it’s not your native love language, to master your partner’s, become fluent in it and use it as a natural expression of your love and commitment to you partner means you have to practice it. And if you think about it, if you were learning a new language, foreign to your native tongue how many hours or weeks would it take you to become proficient in that language?

It’s no different – learning a different language of love takes practice. To master your partner’s love language and have that as your natural default when you express your messages of love means that you need to commit to practicing the art, every single day – until it become second nature to you. The only exception to this is if you happen to share the same unique love language – and the chances of that are quite rare.

So what do I suggest?

Become an eager, love language student and practice your art every, single day – become masterful in learning your partner’s love language. Depending on the love language in question 15 minutes per day or a minimum of 5 contact points each day. Now that has to be fun!

So what might that look like? – I’m going to give you some ideas, as a starter then I’m sure you’ll get the idea and have many more of your own.

And just as a means of revision, let’s revisit what the five languages of love are.

The Five Languages of Love
In Chapman’s words the five languages of love are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service.

So let’s look at each of these and consider ways that you could put each into practice so that you become masterful and fluent in your partner’s love language.

Words of Affirmation
If this is your partner’s love language, then unsolicited compliments are the key to your expressions of love and commitment being heard.

Saying ‘I love you’ is important—but hearing the reasons behind that love is even more powerful

Consider surprising your loved one with text messages of why you love and adore him or her. Put well thought out notes in lunch boxes or pockets of their clothes. Spend a few minutes each night or each morning expressing your delight in their presence or the things you love about them and how they lighten up your day. Compliment them on the things they do. Sincerity and authenticity are key. Catch yourself doing this frequently until it becomes a natural thing for you to do.

And at all costs avoid negative words or insults, as these can be shattering and are not easily forgotten.

Physical Touch
This language is all about physical presence and accessibility – which doesn’t mean being touchy but rather a caress of the knee, a small pat on the back as you share a coffee, a hug before you leave for work. A great way to practice if this is your partner’s love language is to give them a foot or face massage. Learn to touch them as they pass by or as you watch TV together become conscious of your physical presence in relation to theirs and ensure a closeness. Practice 20 secs hugs on a frequent basis, and find ways to be physically close in your daily exchanges.

Physical touch is not about the bedroom. If this is your partner’s love language not being present for your partner feels neglectful and is often interpreted as being unloving and uncaring.

Quality Time
If this is your partner’s love language then nothing says, ‘I love you’, more than full, undivided attention, that is really being there—so consider ways to have quality time together with no other distractions. This makes your loved one feel truly special. So consider spending time together with no TV, sitting chatting, going for a walk, time together over a glass of wine or doing something special together.

If this is your partner’s love language, postponed dates, turning up late, distractions and not listening are extremely hurtful.

If your partner’s love language is gifts be careful not to interpret this love language as being materialistic.

Underlying this love language for your partner is the thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift. The perfect gift or gesture expresses that sentiment. So thoughtful gestures, such as a handwritten note, handmade gifts, a specially chosen greeting card or a special books are prized messages of love.

Think of small gifts or gestures that you give and incorporate these gestures into your daily life together.

Missed birthdays, anniversaries or hasty, thoughtless gifts are best avoided if this is your partner’s love language.

Acts of Service
If your partner’s love language is Acts of Service then anything you do to ease their burden of responsibilities is received as an expression of love by your partner. The words that most convey this expression of love are ‘Let me do that for you’. So think about your partner and each day think of what you can do to lessen their load, and in doing so show your love for them.

Laziness, broken commitments and increasing their work load signals to speakers of this language that their feelings don’t matter.

What Now?
When you know your partner’s love language – spend 10- 15 minutes per day practicing it – getting proficient- and encourage your partner to practice yours. And know that it’s OK to ask your partner what delights them most.

Like learning anything new, practice makes perfect and in learning a new language the more often you use it the more proficiently you speak it and isn’t that want we all want to feel loved and connected every single day? So go ahead and get practicing…

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How do You Keep the Love in YOUR Relationship Alive & Sizzling?

Sadly many people believe that it’s challenging to keep the love in their relationship alive and sizzling. They expect the love to fade! And some Couple looking very affectionately at one another as they dance togetherbelieve that it’s only in new love by its very nature that the sparkle lives.

Not so! When you know what ignites the spark – mature relationships can be far deeper and more meaningful than ‘new love’ – reaching unparalleled levels of depth and devotion.

So what are the secrets of keeping your relationship alive and fresh and the love deeper than ever before?Continue Reading

Don’t Let the Sexual Connection in Your Relationship Fade. An Active Sex Life is Healthy

‘Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. ‘Yes’ is the answer’  Swami X

Newlywed couple enjoying sexual connectionThe elephant in the room for many relationships is sex…

Sadly this is one area of connection that many couples lose quite early on in their relationship… the busyness of life initially interferes with their having an active and fulfilling sex life, and then it all gets too hard.

Excuses take over and having a conversation about sex let alone initiating it becomes challenging!Continue Reading