Successful and effective communication is an art that can be mastered. Learning how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict when it arises and eliminate negativity in a relationship is one of the critical steps to creating the love that you desire and in taking your relationship from 'good to great or from sagging to bragging'.

How Does Using Primary Representational Systems Improve Communication Effectiveness?

Macro of a beautiful eye

Image by m_bartosch courtesy of

If you’ve ever stopped to listen to the way you speak, and in particular to the words you use

you’d notice that you tend to focus on one of the primary senses when you are referring to something. In other words that your language and the references you make tend to center on, or reflect one of the primary senses…. visual, audio or kinesthetic, or to a lesser extent gustatory and olfactory.

A common lesser known fact is that as individuals we each have what is referred to as a primary language or representational system that we resort to as a default mode or language choice. And as individuals when we communicate we use the vocabulary that reflects that primary language representational system.

The Three Primary Representational Systems
So for instance if your primary representational system is visual then you’re most likely to use words that describe what you observe and see.Continue Reading

Are You Certain that Your Messages of Love Are Being Heard?

Young woman getting breakfast in bed and a large red gift box on the breakfast trayDid you know that we each have our own love language…? That there are in fact five unique or different love languages? And that in the absence of knowing the love language of your partner you run the risk of your messages of love and affection not being heard or worse entirely missed?

Yes that’s right. There are five unique languages of love. And each of us responds best to only one of these. In other words if we’re not spoken to in our unique love language we fail to hear the messages of love sent to us…

That’s a hard fact to appreciate isn’t it?Continue Reading

Do You Know What Happens When Your Tone & Your Words are Not Aligned?

Effective communication is important in a healthy loving relationship and to be effective in your communication means being congruent in all aspects of how you speak…

Young couple not hearing one another- woman with fingers in her ear, man yelling at her

Image by artur84 courtesy

Congruent between the message you’re sending, the words you’re choosing and your tone.

Ever witnessed an exchange between two people where there seemed to be a mismatch between the words uttered and the tone used? That that someone was mouthing let’s say sweet words but through clenched teeth and in an angry tone?Continue Reading

Improve Your Communication Effectiveness – Use Active Listening, Questions & Heartfelt Words

Effective communication is foremost about improving your ability to listen. That is actively or empathetically listening to one another and responding accordingly.

Blue bird whispering into a woman's earLearning to listen actively or empathetically is an important skill in improving your communication effectiveness and something that I urge all couples to learn how to do.

Active or Empathetic Listening
So what is active or empathetic listening…? Active listening is when you listen attentively, fully engaged… And in so doing become cognizant not only of the other person’s language and choice of words… but on hearing those words rather than assuming that through your own filters of experience and perception you’ve received the message intended, check in with the sender of the message…empathetic to their choice of words.

…So using the sender’s key words check in … to see that you’ve interpreted or received the message correctly… that the message received is in fact, the message intended.

Why Listen Actively In This Way?
It’s so easy to assume that we’ve heard what was intended and understand the message that was sent… Sadly this is rarely the case.

Actively or empathetic listening is a means of eliminating or reducing potential misinterpretations or misleading exchanges… because you’re checking in with the other person, the sender, clarifying that you’ve received the intended message.

It’s important to remember that we all use words differently, and while the words themselves may seem important… because we use that differently it’s very easy to misinterpret what the sender intended with those words.Continue Reading

Trust & Respect…The Foundations to a Healthy, Deeply Loving, Connected Partnership

Older couple lovingly holding one anotherHaving a truly loving relationship that deepens over time… fully connected and devoted to one another is what most of us desire and deserve. If that’s what you want then it’s important to ensure that your home and its environs epitomize that love. And that the home environment is a safe haven or place where you both feel that love… a place where you both feel safe with one another and secure at all times…Continue Reading

‘I don’t want to talk about it’ – Seven Little Words that are Toxic to Relationship Bliss & Success

Communication is key component to healthy relationshipsSeven Toxic Words to Avoid

‘I don’t want to talk about it!’ Ever uttered these words to your partner or heard them from him?

There’s been a disagreement, a conflict of some sort, either big or small and feeling hurt, angry, confused or unloved you or your partner shut down – and either you or he has uttered these words or something similar.Continue Reading

Commit to Resolving Conflict Quickly – Don’t Risk Destroying A Healthy Loving Relationship!

couple not talking with one anotherAccording to New York-based psychologist Susan Silverman, PhD occasional conflicts are an inevitable part of life. I’m not sure that I totally agree with Dr Silverman as I subscribe to the concept of setting up A Relationship Agreement in the early stages of a relationship and if not done before, certainly setting one up prior to committing to marriage or co-habiting.

Doing so sets up the boundaries or framework under which the relationship operates so that conflicts or differing points of view are understood from the onset and an agreement as to how to deal with them is agreed to upfront or at least very early on.Continue Reading

Healthy Fun Loving Communication! A Key Component in Keeping Love & the Connection Alive

Couple sitting on a park bench & not speaking to one anotherWhen communication is broken the connection fades!

Have you ever sat at a restaurant or coffee shop and found yourself intrigued by the conversations that waft passed you? Observed other people and their engagement and wondered what led them to interact in this manner? How about when you see a young couple in a restaurant so engaged with one another that even the waiter or waitress has difficulty interrupting – to get their attention to take their order or deliver their food? Does it bring a smile to your face or ignite an inner glow in you – remembering how delicious those treasured moments were and are?Continue Reading

Want a Healthy, Deeply, Loving Relationship? – Easy! Focus on One Conversation at a Time!

Couple sitting on couch discussing something important Yesterday I found myself sitting outside on a terrace enjoying the sun – the heat and feel of summer in the air. I was at a local Italian restaurant, seated outside on the terrace which is elevated from the street below- and so overlooks the busy street below. I was on my own, having lunch, prior to going to a movie- something I love to do on a Sunday afternoon. And as I waited for my order I decided to spend the time making a few notes on articles that I wanted to write.

The week had been a busy one and I had not had time to write my usual number of posts. So this seemed a good time to jot down some of the many ideas that were swimming around in my head. The restaurant was very busy. All the tables were full. I took out my notepad and took a sip of wine, and as I did I reminded myself of how fortunate I am. Just to be able to sit here on a sunny afternoon, enjoying a cool glass of wine and letting the world slip by.Continue Reading